Lyrics To Who Knew

Auto-tune the N00bs with the Paper Jamz Pro Microphone

Were a dominant force in gaming. And while musicians the world over derided the games and their players for somehow cheapening the sacred rite of the guitar solo, they managed to teach an entire generation of gamers that music could (and likely should) be a multi-sensory experience. The hum of an amp, the shifting polygons of an on-screen avatar and even the glossy feel of the fret buttons added something to the traditional aesthetic of the songs themselves that could be experienced by fans with no traditional musical training. But these games disappeared just as quickly as they came to prominence, an unfortunate casualty of sequel-itis.

My children were a bit too young to get into the whole rhythm game phenomenon, and, though there is still a pile of plastic guitars and turntables in the corner of the den, they just don’t seem to have the drawing power they did back in their heyday. For my kids, music play has taken a new name, and we call it Paper Jamz .

Last Christmas some well-meaning relative gave my son an ultra-thin sliver of cardboard and plastic styled to look like a classic Flying V . I didn’t think much of the device at first, until I caught my boy singing along with The Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop.” Though he didn’t know the song-proper – the original hit by the original artist, as those of us of a certain age might say – he knew lyrics. He knew the melody. He knew the hook. Moreover, he knew he liked it.

Even more amazingly, he associated this song, along with hits from Van Halen and Blue Oyster Cult, not with solitary hours spent listening to an iPod or the occasional rush hour classic rock radio block, but with active play. I still catch him sometimes, windmilling in his room to a captive audience of stuffed animals and Transformers, rocking the hell out on a digital toy guitar for his own amusement.

This is apparently not an unusual occurrence, as WowWee’s Paper Jamz series continues to carve out impressive shelf space at my local big-box. They’ve even expanded the line with a new offering they call Paper Jamz Pro. There are two main differences between this new Pro series and the older line. The first is that the toys are no longer limited to the three pre-loaded songs that defined the early products. The second is that WowWee has now added an additional option for aspiring vocalists.

Like the guitars that are the brand’s namesake, the Paper Jamz Pro microphone is actually made primarily out of plastic. The handheld mic itself plugs into a provided mini speaker box (with an oh-so handy belt clip) via a traditional 3.5 mm input, and it also includes a similar headphone jack that doubles as a line-out for Paper Jamz amplifiers .

Doogie Howser Democrats « The Crawdad Hole

LOL, ouch! That was actually painful to watch. It sounded a bit like an AA meeting. My name is_____and I’m addicted to blue kool aid.

I’m a Democrat too because I really like to have all my political idealism greeted with penis photos emailed from my congresscritter. I’m a Democrat because I like watching snot nosed frat boys fondle cardboard cutouts of female candidates. I’m a Democrat because I enjoy having women’s rights in Afganistan dismissed as “nothing but a box of rocks weighing us down.” I’m a Democrat because whenever I ask about women in America I can predictably chant Lily Ledbetter over and over again and try to wring some more mileage out of that one. Now sit down and STFU ladies, I signed your bill already.

My name is Yttik and I really am a recovering Democrat.

Top Ten Things Almost As White As The College Democrats’ New Ad

10. All dues-paying members of the William H. Macy Fan Club

9. Moby Dick’s pale underbelly, and, fyi, Moby Dick just scored five choice front-row tickets to a VH-1′s Storytellers With Kenny Loggins, and, sidenote, Moby Dick just got hired as a social media consultant by Keith Olbermann

8. Every single fucking college “rockapella” group in the known fucking universe (N.B.: Asians may sometimes be white for these purposes)

7. Chris Matthews’s milky, fetid coinslot

6. The Hazzard County Police Department

5. That guy who just crossed the street because his Urban Marauder Danger Alert System lit up like a Christmas tree, and oh look, it’s Bryant and Greg Gumble heading into Barney’s for their annual one-day sale on spats

4. TIE: People who write Salon: also, people who read Salon

3. People at parties who say “Oh I just talked to that guy over there” and you say “Which guy?” and they say “Oh the guy in the blue shirt” and you say “There are at least five guys here wearing a blue shirt” and they say “The guy wearing casual slacks” and you say “That doesn’t super-help me” and they say “Oh you know that guy, that guy over there, about average height and weight for his age” and you say “Look, spit it out, are you trying to tell me you just spoke to the black guy by the guacamole bread-bowl?